To Atkins or Not

I'm back, and so happy to be! When I don't blog, everything sucks! I miss the interactions with you awesome people, I miss the support and I miss reading your blogs and offering the same. My extended absence was totally unplanned. My computer decided that it did not want to work anymore. Luckily we were able to save my files, and my husband let me have his Mac. Oh yeah, I'm moving on up :)

There is absolutely so much that I want to update you on, but I'll just take it one day at a time. Today, I'll focus on what my weight and diet has been like.

On December 6, I went in for my first diabetes appointment with my doctor. I weighed 265 pounds and my fasting blood sugar was at 161. In December, I followed my doctor's orders and gave up sugar and dropped by carb intake a bit. That resulted in me losing eight pounds that month. Yay! Awesome, right? Well, yeah, but in the month of January, I maintained my weight. I was frustrated, naturally. Enter the wonderful blogger Kelly. She has insulin resistance (like me) and had dabbled with low carb eating before, but at the the end of January, around the time I was struggling to refigure my diet, she was losing weight and feeling great on Atkins. I had never dreamed of doing a diet like that before; I thought it was just a scam for people who were too lazy and unwilling to give up bacon and butter. What I found as I read on in her blog was that Atkins is about low carb eating, yes, but it is also about eating much better whole foods. In her daily posts, I would see so many delicious looking meals, but most prevalent in all of it was vegetables. That alone made me decide to give Atkins a try. What happened was I lost eight pounds my first week! The second and third week was really hard and I indulged too much too many times in things that were ridiculous (I'm looking at you TOM craving and Valentine's Day!). I weighed 249 pounds as of February 6! I'm not weighing in right now for a very specific reason which I'll get into in a later post, but I feel fantastic because I got right back on track as soon as I could. Atkins has been doing some pretty amazing things for me, such as:

• Regulating my blood sugar. Without Atkins, even by lowering my carb intake and eliminating sugar fully, my fasting blood sugar was in the 120s-140s, every morning. When I'm doing Atkins the correct way, my blood sugar ranges from the 70s-90s. My doctor (a thin, athletic woman) and my husband (a thin, healthy man) both have fasting blood sugars that range in the 70s. So that means that by eating low carb, I can regulate my own blood sugar, much like an person without diabetes! That is so exciting to me! (These readings are with no meds whatsoever.)
• Making me feel lighter. I do not feel bloated after I eat and exercise seems easier. When I eat a carb laden meal, I feel really heavy.
• Halting blood sugar spikes. My blood sugar used to spike pretty high after eating a meal with too many carbs. I would feel dizzy and light headed. The best way to describe it would be that I felt drunk. These episodes are scary. When I'm on Atkins, I do not ever get these! Seriously.
• Helping me lose weight. That's a given.

The only negative effect I've felt this whole time was the "Atkins flu" which actually felt a lot like the blood sugar spikes I described above. I just wanted to sleep off the feeling, and within a day or two, I felt fine again. My body was just shocked that I wasn't eating carbs anymore.

I'm on this for life, and by the time I get to maintenance, I'll be able to eat regular, whole grain foods again. The most important part of this entire journey for me, though, is that this plan will lead me in finding the amount of carbs that are right for me in the long run. The key to maintaining my weight loss and healthy blood sugar readings will be to know how many grams of carbs I can safely have per day. I'll figure that out as I move through the program! It feels good to finally have this veil lifted off of me. I would definitely say that this is not for everyone, but in my instance, it is a miracle! I just cannot believe the improvement in my blood sugar readings!

I hope you're all well! I can't wait to play catch up on all of your blogs!

Lack of Posting

It's been a while since I've updated here. That's because my computer decided to up
& quit on me! Ridiculous. I have lots of great things to blog about as soon as I can. I hope you're all well :)

A Follow Up

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their kind comments of understanding at my frustration yesterday. To the original commenter that sparked this post and my last, I apologize if you feel as though I attacked or was hostile toward you, but allow me to explain this further...

When I read comments with questions such as "are you concerned about your babies inheriting your bad traits" or "would you consider gastric bypass," I get frustrated because I feel as though my readers aren't fully grasping what I'm saying. I have stated my worry about the first issue (time and time again) and my firm stance against the second (once or twice in my older, deleted posts). I think it just took me by surprise that someone would still have questions like that after all these years, especially a returning reader. It was not frustration at the questions, but more like frustration with myself and my ability to convey a message properly. I probably should have mentioned that in the last post. As I said last night, I was not writing with intention to hurt you or make you feel attacked, but I just wanted to make sure that I addressed both subjects fully to the best of my ability instead of ignoring them. I felt very strongly about the subjects, so I just wanted to put them in the spotlight here.

I am incredibly sensitive, and I take things the wrong way often. I misinterpret and allow my mind to go into overdrive. The same thing happened in this instance. I felt... judged? I'm really not sure if that's the word I'm looking for, but it's close enough. It made me feel as though my writing was subpar and that I could not convey the messages I wanted to efficiently with words. I went on the defensive. I am not a person making a career out of blogging. I'm just here hoping my words will be heard and that I can inspire others the way that they inspire me. I am still just dipping my toe into the blogging waters even though I've been here for three years, and I still don't know how to handle these situations. I'm learning how to speak my mind and not push it all down with food. It's just something I never learned. I guess I went from someone who hides her feelings to the exact opposite, someone who speaks without thinking. What can I say? I'm a work in progress.

I value all of my readers and all of the comments left here on a daily basis. Blogging has become such a big part of my life, a passion of mine. My readers have become my friends, and I'm so lucky to be able to share my life and struggles with others battling the same demons. It makes the journey that much easier. I never mean to attack or belittle someone with questions or even an opposing idea (though that is not what happened in this case). So again, CS, I would like to say I'm sorry. Next time, I will allow myself time to REFLECT and THINK about what is said rather than furiously type and post within minutes of reading without considering a commenters intent and feelings. Your questions were not hostile or rude, and I didn't mean to lump you in with those people.

Thank you all for reading. I really do appreciate it.

Q&A is still open.

Comments That Get to You

I've been pretty lucky so far in my blogging career that I haven't had too many comments that have rubbed me the wrong way. I knew that it was a very real possibility that I could have some negative feedback to any of my posts. The major trend on the Internet seems to be that faceless commenters would rather knock others down and make fun of them than support them. I've had all supporters so far. I couldn't be happier with the wonderful, supportive friends I've made all over the globe here. Thank you all SO much!

What I have gotten every so often, though, is a comment from an anonymous poster who clearly has not read my blog. Or if they have, they did not really GET what I was saying. They offer advice or ask questions that I've addressed a lot. Those types of comments really get to me. Tonight, as I was readying a post in my notepad, I sign on to my dashboard and saw that there was a comment needing to be moderated. This is what I read:

"Do you ever wonder if when you get pregnant you'll pass your unhealthy eating habits onto your child? Also I think I remember you mentioned your mom had gastric bypass or lapband surgery? Is that something you've ever considered doing?"

Now, I'm really not trying to be rude to this poster or come off as mean, but are you serious? I've addressed these issues many, many times. I'm not going to go back and link to all of those posts, so instead, I'll address these already answered questions here.

Question #1
Do you ever wonder if when you get pregnant you'll pass your unhealthy eating habits onto your child?

Yes! As I've mentioned pretty much in every single post addressing pregnancy on my blog, I worry constantly about my unhealthy eating habits and obesity being passed on to my children and how they will affect them. That is the biggest reason I'm here. That's why I embarked on this journey in the first place. I want this cycle of obesity and unhealthy relationships with food to end with me. I want to give my children the healthiest view on what food is and is not. I am slowly learning about nutrition and about the things that I was never taught when I was a kid. I'm learning about correct portions sizes and how to eat. I'm losing weight and eating healthy because I've read in quite a few health articles that by eating healthy foods with no refined sugar or carbs that you can TURN OFF the obesity gene in your children. How amazing is that?! I am doing everything in my power to ensure that my children NEVER have to go through what I am right now. They will never have to lean on food as an emotional crutch, they will learn what I'm learning now, and that's the most precious gift I can give to my sweet future children.

Question #2
I remember you mentioned your mom had gastric bypass or lapband surgery? Is that something you've ever considered doing?

Absolutely, positively NOT. I'm losing weight slowly, on my own, by following good health guidelines laid out to me by my doctor. I'm eating REAL food and exercising and losing weight myself. I can do this on my own. My mother and I are very, very different. She felt as though gastric bypass surgery was right for her. She was about 100 pounds heavier than me at my heaviest when she had the surgery. I know that if I had not changed my ways of eating, I would have ended up at her weight or heavier. But that is not the case, and I will never consider such a major surgery unless it is life and death. Aside from not wanting to because I am losing weight healthily on my own, I see the results and the side effects from the surgery on my mom and they are terrible. I'm not going to go into detail here because they are not my issues to tell, but they are things I would never want to deal with. Ever. These surgeries might be right for some, but for me, it's not even an option.

So, commenter, I hope that answered your questions. I apologize if I seem angry or agitated, but these are issues I cover quite frequently here and the first question, especially, is something that I am absolutely passionate about. I write about it so much.

Because there are so many new people following and reading my blog (Welcome, everyone!!), I will take this as an opportunity to open up a Q&A session. Ask me about my journey, my diabetes, my husband, whatever. I'll be happy to answer any questions you may have, even if they are ones I've covered before! I await your questions :)

What I'm doing

Between December 6, 2011 and January 6, 2012, I lost eight pounds, which is more than half of the weight I lost the entire year. I lost twelve pounds in 2011. Pathetic? Well, yes and no. Yes, because I've been messing around with losing weight, wanting to lose the weight, dreaming of a skinny body, but never wanting to put forth the effort for years. And years. And years. My twelve pound loss for the year of 2011 isn't pathetic, though, because it is a loss, and those are pounds that will never be allowed to come back onto my body. I'm serious about my health and I'm definitely, FINALLY putting in the effort to reach my goals.

Here is what I'm doing these days to see a loss:

1. I'm drinking one cup of hot green tea each morning. I've heard that this tea aides in weight loss, which I can definitely use! But aside from that (I haven't done the proper research to know if this is true or not), I like to drink the tea because it isn't water. I drink so much water that it gets pretty monotonous. The tea breaks up that monotony and it warms me up in the mornings on the cold, cold stained concrete floor in our house. (It's ridiculous how cold that stuff gets!)

2. I plan every single meal and snack down to the amount. I do NOT deviate from this plan, at all. I know that I am giving myself the proper amount of food, and any hunger I feel can be ignored or satiated with water. It is not physical hunger, it is complete emotional hunger and I refuse to give in to that. And that leads me to my next point...

3. I make sure I'm aware of WHY. Why am I hungry when I know I've had enough food? What's on my mind? What are the memories, stress, or issues causing this? I'm becoming more and more self aware, and most of the time, I know what the source of my emotional hunger is. I'm becoming much more open with my husband, letting out my concerns, issues, whatever, instead of holding them in. It has made a world of difference. And if I come to find that my hunger is not emotional, I'll allow myself a small, healthy snack.

4. I've limited processed foods and white sugar. With my diabetes, there is absolutely no reason or excuse or room for this in my diet. If I want normal blood sugar, I must avoid it. It's easy for me because basically, it's life and death. Obviously, I choose life. No sugar rush is worth shortening my life. I love my life!

5. I've also limited my carb intake. I've not done too much research on the subject, but along with my doctor, I've made the decision to eat not more than 120 grams per day, but I strive to eat no more than 100 grams. This has been harder for me because I've found it really hard to eat lower carbs with my vegetarian diet. But this is all about finding the right diet for me for the rest of my life. I'll continue to work and fine tune this until I'm where I want to be.

6. Exercise! This is actually a new one. The weight I lost in December was without exercise, but my doctor told me that it is REQUIRED. Like most things, I find that it's easy to do now because it's required for me to be healthy and to manage my diabetes. I guess I was scared straight. Here is what I've been shooting for as far as working out is concerned. I really like this program because it incorporates all kinds of workouts and I really need the guidance of scheduled exercise. I can't wait to see the results!

I'm not saying I'm perfect with this ALL the time, there have been some wrenches thrown my way that I've had to jump over, but for the most part, I do these things and get results! I don't want to slip back into my old ways, which I've done a bit this last week. My pants feel a little tighter and the scale is slightly up because of it. I just don't want that any more. I don't want the bloat and bad feelings that come with the bad eating. If I follow my guidelines above (which may not work for you), then I'll continue to move down on the scale and in pants!