Why Won't It Buckle?

I'm sitting here on the plane back home from my vacation, and I'm extremely upset. Upset doesn't even begin to describe it actually. I'm embarrassed and sad that my seat belt will not fit around my huge lower tummy. The seat belts on the other three planes I rode in were fine. Two were a little snug, but I had excess room in one of them! Imagine my disappointment when I get on the last plane and find that the belt is just an inch too small. Not only is it too small, but the guy sitting next to my husband has noticed my struggle and looks on disapprovingly as I, the whale, struggles with the buckle. I am flat out mortified. This means that I most definitely don't have the courage to ask for the dreaded extender. I am left feeling so utterly terrible, on the verge of tears as I hide the unbuckled belt, hoping that the attendants won't notice. I'm sitting here in shock. In disappointment. In sadness. In shame. I cannot believe that it has come to this. All I know is that from now on, when I reach for an off plan treat, when I feel like I just want to go back to the way things were when I didn't care about my health and ate whatever I wanted, I'll look back on how this feels, on  the desperation that I'm feeling to just get the damn thing to buckle, and remember that this horrendously depressing feeling is completely avoidable. I'll put down the damn cookie. I'll ignore the feelings of wanting freedom to eat the way I used to. I'll ignore the feeling of not wanting to work out. Because I never want to feel like this again. Never ever again.

I realize that this post is a mess and completely full of present and past tenses. I wrote this on the plane as it was happening to me. These are my words as they came to me in those horribly embarrassing moments. Sorry for all the errors :)